30 CLUES A WOMAN SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT!!

30 CLUES A WOMAN SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT

1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.
2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead
and wiggling my butt while yelling WOO-HOO! is
truly the sexiest dance move around.
3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick
someone's ass and honestly believe I could do it.
4. In my last trip to "pee" I realize I now look
more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess
I was just four hours ago.
5. I drop my 3:00 a.m.burrito on the floor
(which I'm eating even though I'm not the
least bit hungry), pick it up and carry
on eating it.
6. I start crying and telling everyone I see
that I love them sooooo much.
7. There are less than three hours before I'm
due to start work.
8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the
geek sitting next to me.
9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my 5th
grade teacher.
10. The urge to take off articles of clothing,
stand on a table and sing or dance becomes
strangely overwhelming.
11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open
on their own so I keep them half closed and
think it looks exotically sexy.
12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become
really good at it.
13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think)
cheated me by giving me just lemonade, but that's
just because I can no longer taste the gin.
14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels
strangely like the kitchen floor.
15. I start every conversation with a booming
"DON'T take this the WRONG WAYbut..."
16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down
when I sit on it.
17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling
take-down moves.
18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor
(wherever I happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.
19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my
button fly pants to cut down on the time
I'm in the bathroom away from my drink.
20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's
their fault that I'm having problems walking straight.
21. I start believing that everyone in the room
wants to see my boobs.
22. You know you have had enough when you find phone numbers on your cell with names like "dont answer" or "big dick!"
23. You know you drink too much when every other word that comes out of your mouth is "I don't remember" what did he look like? I don't remember! what were doing at that house at 5 in the morning, I don't remember.
24. You know you haven't partied like it's 1999, if you've never done the sexy underwear, topless, red hat pretend you're a stripper dance.
25. You drink too much when a guy named "Butter" appears to be cute, smart, and sexy stud muffin all at once. Meeeoowww!
26. You know you should call it night if you are drunk before you get to the bar.
27. You know you're an alcoholic when you know what bar drink specials two hours away on a Wednesday night!
28. You know you drink too much when you struck by amnesia between the hours of 1am and 6am. "I don't remember!"
29. You know you go out too much when your photo album has a picture of every bar in and out of town.
30. You know you go out too much when celebrities know you not you know them.